B A H j o u r n a l i s t

Brian Anthony Hernandez

Funny shit journalists say

I’ve compiled a list of hilarious quotations I’ve heard journalists say. Enjoy!

John S., copy editor in Milwaukee
“Wow. This seems like a bigger story than a brief: Christ, who was wearing a helmet, was pronounced dead at the scene.”

Michael Bruntz, 2004-2005 Daily Nebraskan sports editor, wondering why copy editing has become so competitive
“I’d rather be the guy who walks behind the elephant and shovels up his shit for 45 years of my life than be a copy editor.”

Alex Haueter
Me: “I always wanted to use the word ‘bonerific’ in a headline.”
Alex: “You mean like “Maria Sharapova bonerific in straight-set win’?”

Me: “I voted you as the most likely to write a best-selling book that sells nearly as much as the Bible.”
Alex: “I could take the Bible. At least my book will have a diverse group of well-developed, multi-dimensional characters. *Lightning bolt*”

Kevin Sanders, photographer in Des Moines
Kevin: “Check your white balance.”
A source: “Stop being so racist!”

“Just for you (designer) … a wide, super-horizontal photo to annoy you.”

“If I ever use that photo, I’m blurring out the ‘nikon’ on the body, and I don’t care if it’s ethical or not.”

Ashley Ermel
In a Facebook note:
“Q: What is 8 (Brian Anthony Hernandez) afraid of?
A: … bad grammar?
Q: What’s one fact about 8 (Hernandez)?
A: all these questions about brian! he’s the most grammar-correct, enrique iglesias look-alike i know!”

Me
“I use steroids to copy edit.”

“If this whole journalism thing doesn’t work out for me, I secretly want to become a backup dancer.”

Reading aloud an AP article: “LEAKS ARE GOOD. Sometimes the government knows about a problem AND IT TAKES A LEAK to embarrass the bureaucracy and get them to do something about it.”

Me: “Hey, guys, wanna see my shirt? I think you, as journalists, will really appreciate it. It says ‘Cunning Linguist.’”
Everyone: “Oh my, God, where did you get that shirt?”
Me: “I got it from Abercrombie. I think it’s a band name.”
*Long pause*
Whitney and Jessica: “Wait, are you serious? You don’t know what it means? Have you never seen the SNL skit with Christina Aguilera about Colonel Angus?”
Jessica: “I almost died because I know a dirty term Brian doesn’t.”

Zach Pluhacek, reporter in Lincoln
“I use steroids to write city council stories … unfortunately the adverse effects include a decrease in factual-osterone.”

Aimee Green then Victoria Ayotte, copy editors in Lincoln
“Welcome to hell … ”
“ … we have no rims.”

Ron Smith, features copy desk chief in Milwaukee
His humor review of me: “Dear Dow Jones, Brian was a hot mess all summer. But he always came in with the best of haircuts and fashion. His coughs were annoying, but the desk embraced him.”

A member of the UNL American Copy Editors Society
“If you’re a copy editor for the dictionary, where do you look things up?”

A.J. Bohac
“His name isn’t Brain, it’s Brian. Sometimes I just want to bitch slap you so hard, Sean, and then steal your puppy.”

Jim Johnson, news editor in Lincoln
“Do your self-evaluation now, or I’ll kick your ass!”

Pete, copy chief in Milwaukee
“Jessica, about your headline … I don’t hate it.”

Metta Cederdahl, copy editor in Lincoln
“I remember that one time when we made out under a table at the Daily Nebraskan? … just kidding.”

“Copy editors really DO pee in the water at desert oases (and yes, that is the plural of “oasis”).”

Karen Giglio, copy editor in Lincoln
“Reading about dead people makes you hungry?”

Tina Hinz, copy editor in Des Moines
Me: “What do you do at work?”
Tina: “I read stories, write headlines and eat chips.”

Whitney Turco, copy editor in Lincoln
“I always see Hot Cheetos at work and think of you.”

Rachel Hustedt
“Tonight I was in my Poli Sci class and someone had the DN out and we got to talking about the connections we had with the writers/subjects of the front page and I was like “see that brown kid who was named Editor-in-Chief, that’s my best friend!”

Jeff Wilkerson, broadcaster in Lincoln
“I AM friggin’ important. Deal with it.

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January 16, 2009 - Posted by | Journalism, Personal, Work

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